I lie on my bed playing with the keyboard, putting words and badly-taken photos together. All cramped in a sort of shapeless puzzle. It’s thrilling, exciting and scary.
Excitement runs through my veins and I am transformed by the words. I come back to my senses and the post is “ready”, I want to publish it but the jitters hold me back. Then a little voice in my head says “Nobody will ever see your posts. Nobody is going to care. So, go on”
“Nobody will ever see your posts. Nobody is going to care,” I mimic the voice. And in an automaton-like movement, I follow its instructions and click publish.
This happened on June, 25th at 9:00 pm. And here we are two years and a half years later. It’s been two years of growing, learning, and loving my limitations. I am not perfect neither as a writer or person, but I certainly have material to entertain you 😉
Thank you for sticking around, for always leaving good vibes. And especially, thank you for not letting me be invisible.
The screen blinds me for a few seconds, and then, the story starts unfolding before our eyes . I cry, I laugh and I accompany the hero in her journey. I feel close to her as if I were a friend.
And when she fights the baddies, Oh boy! I can’t help but feel pride.
Rei, the main character is unlike any other hero I’ve come across. First of all, let me tell you that I’m not a fan of action movies but for Rei, I make an exception. And you have to know that I’m a very critical person when it comes to choose role moles, and Rei has passed my high standards of my censorship.
She is modest, and even her clothes, which are not sexy at all make her look stronger. She doesn’t need to show her breasts, legs or even rely on a man to help her fight for what she believes is right.
Rei is the modern hero, modern gals need. Star Wars is surprisingly standing and encouraging women empowerment all around the galaxy.
A couple of months ago I received a great work opportunity. But I knew taking the job would mean working my fingers to the bone for a few months, how did I know that? Well, let just say that I just know how the dragons fly in this part of the world.
In this new job, I had to speak Japanese and explain things in Japanese to a certain group of students who like me arrived in these islands to learn, to live, to work and to forge a new future for themselves. Yes, immigrants like myself. Helping immigrants to start their lives and to improve their skills to work in Japan. What a great opportunity!! I just simply had to take the job. And I did. I took it.
There are young people from many parts of the world: Vietnam, Nepal, India, Uzbekistan, Cambodia, Nepal and so many others I can’t even recall them now. It’s being a learning curve for me. But I have enjoyed the ride of this particular dragon. Because this dragon was unknown, wild, unwelcoming, and untamed. Moreover, this dragon has given me the opportunity to help immigrants like me, who don’t know how to start their lives in this new place but who, at the same time, have great hopes for the future. And have proven, once more, that immigrants are a force for good.
I arrived at my new home, at least my new home for a few days, after all, I live in Tokyo. But will it be forever?. Who knows? but it’s the present, and at this very moment, I’m in Massachusetts. More specifically attending Harvard school for a short course. Only a short course, “nothing special”, but for me, it means the world.
I walk the streets in a state of shock and controlled hysteria. Or at least I think I’m controlling it. The people staring at me might think otherwise 😂
Anyway, I walk around enjoying it all, and I think of you, my dear readers and online friends. I hope you enjoy the pics I chose for you.
In this city of mine, there are well-known treasures, hidden gems, while other jewels are a mystery.
Who puts them there? Who designs them?
We don’t know. I don’t know.
Or perhaps, we are simply used to seeing beauty everywhere. Or, maybe in this big city of ours, we live between reality and mysticism, perhaps. the beings that exist in the obscure corners of our subconscious become a reality here. Or could be that we live in an eternal dream surrounded by tigers, dragons and music nymphs.
I’ve been told that my writing in Spanish is quite dark as if the obscurity that imprisons my soul could not help but present itself as it is. As if the monsters I carefully guard show their real faces in Spanish.
In my experience, Spanish has dark corners which not even the strongest of lights can penetrate. The words of love and passion threaten to warm the coldest of hearts, and the infamous ones to break the strongest soul. And I love it. I love its sharp dagger, nuances, and complexity.
But in English, somehow, I write sweetly or so I’ve been told. And although I can’t really find the reason, I think that maybe its logic structure keeps at bay my passionate nature clearing the uncertainty of my words.
Or maybe, it is not a matter of languages. Perhaps the real reason is just that I just can not hide my true self. No matter how hard I try.
I found myself lost in the dark streets of an unknown district, I wasn’t alone but the shadows were swallowing it all, and we both felt uneasy, and yet I discovered these lights that stood as brave soldiers shielding us from our fears like brave silent warriors.
Emotions and thoughts gather at night to remind me of my mistakes, my flaws, and the unworthiness of my existence. So many emotions, so many thoughts, I don’t fight them anymore, I can’t fight them anymore.
I let them crawl over me like dark spiders; dark spiders whose eyes shine in the obscurity of the night. They knit their web around my hands, they tie my hands and my fingers until they bleed.
Fear and anxiety blur my thoughts, my vision and I can only see walls, impossible goals, and heartache.
I can’t write.
The sunrise scares them away, and their spell disappears momentarily, long enough for me to write these lines.
They are gone long enough for me to believe they might not come back. But they do, they always come back. They don’t forget me. They can’t. For I am their mother, their creator, and master.
I am living busy days, some even would say life-changing days, but nothing is set on stone. Not just yet. We might as well keep dreaming and let time pass. The uncertainty takes my mind into a spiral of mixed emotions. My mind resembles a puddle of standing water that looks calm on the outside but festers below the surface. My thoughts do not flow freely, and even worse, they always go back to the same dark place. But my drawings, my characters, and little muses come to my rescue. They guide my hand to the pencil, and slowly what was dark becomes colourful, peaceful and even cheerful.
And sometimes, I draw self-portraits just to have fun
The bell rings and with every strike 2019 fades away. This moment is a little bit sad, because the challenges we overcame, the lessons we learnt and the love we gave seem gone. The memories travel further and further with every strike, because we know this time will never come back.
But as nostalgic this time might be for some, this is also a time of rebirth and revival, where our dreams and lives are given a second chance.
To be given another chance at life with the people we love and treasure is a gift, a treasure we must hold tight.
And as I am saying good bye to 2019, I would like to thank you ALL for such a wonderful year together, I have learnt and discover many things in 2019, a year of growth, change and personal acceptance for me. And it is thanks to you, who read these lines that I have been able to continue this journey.